Posted by : Unknown Sunday, 30 December 2012

The year wouldn’t be right if we didn’t end it with some bad movie watching. Namely, The Expendables 2 and Wrath of the Titans. We had hopes of watching The Hobbit on Christmas day, but were too exhausted when we got to the hotel so we opted for the in-room movie option instead. We’d hoped for Skyfall, but our best option ended up being The Expendables 2. Not a movie we’d normally have spent $20 on, but lazy, tired beggars can’t be choosers. Hotel snacks and pop were $2.50 each, so it really added to the experience.

"Can we move my moustache a little to the right?"
Our first problem with The Expendables 2 was that my husband was bothered by all the cheesey one-liners and exploding things. “SRSLY?” I asked, and reminded him that we’d spent Christmas Eve watching the Die Hard Christmas marathon. Once he accepted this, we were free to snark happily and shout out plot predictions, like when Thor’s brother gets killed and Stallone swears revenge. I’d have given you a spoiler warning for that, but if you didn’t see Thor’s brother’s death coming, then you are just not worthy of my friendship. After all, poor Billy did everything short of showing his girlfriend’s picture to fulfill the pending dead soldier trope.

We also played “Track Stallone’s Moustache,” which was the sequel to “How Much Eyeliner is Stallone Wearing?” in the first movie.

Overall, an okay movie, but the first made its point and had more fun with the corny moments. This one tried too hard to find the magic and get the other '80s action stars involved (I miss you, Steven Seagal! Just kidding.). Unfortunately, that apparently meant sacrificing Jet Li, which was unfortunate, since he and Jason Statham were the highlights of the first film. At least they let Jet have a moment to do his thang in a room full of baddies who conveniently did not have guns before he left. Surprisingly, Jean Claude van Damme was actually pretty good as the bad guy. At least, as long as he kept his sunglasses on and wasn’t freaking us out with his freaky robot eyes. Oh, I almost forgot. This installment added a female to the action. We IMDB’d thinking she must have been an action star that we missed out on, but nope. Maybe Michelle Yeoh wasn’t available?

The real reason I watch this movie.
Next up in our bad sequel to bad movies was Wrath of the Titans. Yawn. Clash of the Titans was by no means a great movie (and, apparently, it wasn’t the great movie it could have been), but it was amusing and entertaining enough to make us happy. It also had Mads Mikkelsen, which made me very happy. Wrath of the Titans was so lacking in interesting characters and interesting adventures, that apparently, the two female actresses from the first movie couldn’t bother to come back. Surprisingly, Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes did, though. I thought at first they were following the Ben Kingsley/Jeremy Irons path of fantasy movie choices, but later, when Zeus and Hades get to get their Fuck Yeah Olympus! on, I imagined Neeson and Fiennes had signed on just for that, though they didn’t get to be as shiny as last time. I’d like to say this movie featured a lot less Perseus whining about his half-godhood, but the whining had just been moved over to Ares whining about his daddy/brother issues, instead. And I spent most of the time wanting to know where Zeus’ other kids were.

At least we didn’t pay to watch this movie, and thankfully, our bad sequels to bad movies marathon will be replaced by good sequels to good movies when TMN airs Sherlock Holmes tomorrow.


This is my mindspill. Mostly about comics, books, video games, movies of the science fiction and fantasy leanings. Sometimes recipes and parenting stuff will sneak in, along with a real world rant or two.

I also write about geek culture at Women Write About Comics, and I review genre fiction at The BiblioSanctum.




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